My Blurred Reflection
by No-Emotions-To-Cry
Summary: As I stare at my reflection in my handheld mirror, all I can see is a blurry version of me. The tears stinging at the corners of my eyes finally let me see what everyone else does, even my three best friends have began to believe my blurry reflection...
1. Unchangeable Colors

**A/N~ So here's a new story that has some very special meaning to me. This story is a combination of me and one of my best friends' experiences. It's stuff that we are going through and went through before. I'm not saying which parts are mine or which are hers, all you need to know is that this story is my outlet; for me and her…**

_~Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change~_

Why has this been brought upon me? Was I that bad of a child when growing up? What did I do that caused this karma to come into my life?

All this time I've been trying to create this image for myself, only to have it shattered by the Hollywood cameras and untrue rumors. All these things happen for a reason I guess, but it doesn't make it any easier.

They all may be thinking I don't care because of how I act around them, but what they don't know is it that all of my supercilious comments and actions are only cause of a wall I've built around myself.

They all think they know me so well, but they truly don't anymore. That's why I'm here at a random bar, far from everyone; drinking the night away. I could normally tolerate all of the hateful and destructive criticism, but today I heard a comment that just struck a chord in me. It all played out like this…

_Earlier Today~_

_I just finished reading an article on Big Time Rush and that's why I was currently in my room. As I sat there I reread what they said about me over and over and over again until it hurt to read anymore._

_'As we all know, James Diamond, the fourth member of BTR, is truly a player. He has been caught many times in the act of flirting with several women. It's no surprise that the pretty boy of the group is such a manwhore. Not only that, but he is so self-absorbed that he carries around a mirror just to stare at his own reflection, talk about arrogant! I'm sure all it takes is a flirty look and you already have this BTR member in the bag.'_

_This is outrageous! I can't believe they even allowed this to be published! I know that all of that isn't true, but it doesn't stop others from believing it. I now know it's too late to change their view of me; they painted me with one color that I can't change, and that's something that I have to live with for the rest of my famous life. At least I know that those close to me know my true variety of colors, not just the demeaning color that Hollywood paints me in._

_It numbed the pain a bit, knowing his, but it didn't stop me from adding another brick to my wall. It wouldn't be very 'arrogant' of me to cry about this sort of thing. How exactly? I have no clue, considering I am a human after all. It would be like I was a robot, a robot on a battlefield._

_They examined all my features and personality, that's how they were able to write a story on me. The funny thing is, nothing on that article was the tinniest bit close to the truth, except of course, the fact that I always carry my mirror around; me having different reasoning for it than the article stated._

_My reasoning has been kept a secret to everyone, not even my closest of friends, Logan Carlos…or Kendall, know about why I carry that mirror around. Granted, Kendall knows some stuff that the other two don't, but he still hasn't been able to break down my walls._

_He's been trying forever to come in like a wrecking ball and break the walls down, but I know he'll never be able to accomplish that; he had already wrecked me in a different way. My walls are made of steel and bricks; he can't and won't get in. There is one way, but I know it's ridiculous of me to even imagine that…_

_Getting back on topic, the point is, that article was total and utter bullshit. I would say so, but I know it won't change anything. And it's not like I can prove them wrong because I do flirt a bit, but there is difference between flirting with a girl…and fucking her._

_I'm about to go show the guys the article when I hear a comment about me being said. Apparently they didn't know I was listening because they just continued, like it was a normal everyday conversation._

_"Hey, you know who I saw the other day flirting with Jo?" Carlos said. I'm guessing he was talking to Kendall considering that was his girlfriend._

_"No way! Who?" Kendall said, looking annoyed and overprotective. Carlos looked a bit hesitant, but said the name anyways._

_"James" Carlos said in a weaker voice, like he knew Kendall would scream at him; deny it and say it was all a misunderstanding, which it totally was._

_"Impossible, James isn't like that" Kendall said, immediately defending me' something I'm relieved he did._

_"Trust me Kendall it's true, I was there with Carlos" Logan said next. I couldn't believe the lies they were telling Kendall. Did they really think that low of me to say that I was purposefully trying to hit on Kendall's girl?_

_"I can't believe he would do that. I guess he really is a slut after all." That's what struck a cord in me that couldn't be stopped. My mouth was gaped at what I just heard. My own best friend doubting me; calling me a slut when he knows how much I hate that word._

_My body couldn't find the strength to move so it had to stay there while more comments were being made about how much of a 'slut' and 'manwhore' I am, all by my so called 'brothers'._

_I told my mind 'say something, anything', but it would reject the command. It wanted to torture me for whatever reason, so it just stood there, continuing to let my ears hear all thee, these spiteful comments._

_After the shock of all this commotion was gone, I blinked and suddenly my legs started to walk without my permission. I didn't know where I was headed; my mind had a route set for itself. I grabbed my keys, jacket, phone and headed out the door; not looking back for once._

_I carefully made my way out; not wanting to alert them about my goodbye or that I had heard their conversation. The last thing I needed at this moment was an apology or a punch from Kendall because I supposedly hit on his girlfriend._

_I made my way through the lobby after exiting the elevator, getting a few flirty looks along the way; both guys and girls, but I didn't pay attention to them. Once I was out of Palm Woods I went straight to the parking lot and got in the BTR Vehicle, destination being unknown._

_~In Present Time~_

As all these images play back in my mind I began to drink more and more. I would do anything to stop all these memories that are haunting me. Not only do I have to deal with old memories and scars, but now these new ones that won't and can't be changed.

I know that it's my entire fault, me being alone with all these scratches and scars, but it's not like anyone would care. If anything, today's events just proved that. They would believe anything that came out of anyone else's mouth without even coming to me for confirmation.

That's the story of my life right there. No one has ever come to me for the truth, though why would they when I've been lying to them since I first met them. No that they know that, but I'm pretty sure they've had their doubts.

People just think they know me by first glance. I'm the pretty boy who plays with a girls heart then moves on to the next; the flirt of the town. They don't know why I flirt, hell they don't even care.

But I do. I know why I flirt. I know why I move on to the next in a snap of the fingers. They don't know the story of my life like they think they do. They don't know that it's all for my own good, my safety. I do it to be able to build up my armor for one unique person. Just to make sure that it never happens again.

I do it for protection on my heart and body…

_~The End_

**So I want to know what you guys think. Should I continue this story or not? Is it worth continuing? Or is it boring. Let me know your thoughts in a review if possible. Until next time…**


	2. The Unexpected Reunion

_**A/N: Hey peeps, so this is kind of late to be a Christmas present, but it's the best I could do. I am swamped with work, so I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit on the short side, but it was the most I could do, and also I liked where things ended. Enjoy! ;)**_

_~ Your eyes whispered 'Have we met?' _  
_Across the room, your silhouette starts to make its way to me~_

As today's events flash back in my mind over and over and _over_ again I begin to groan. The drink in my hands is beginning to take an effect on my body. I close my eyes for what seemed like hours in order to try and clear my head.

I open my eyes and scan the club in an attempt to find anything, anyone, to distract me from my misery. I knew that I would just be proving rumors true, but at the moment that was the least of my worries.

Suddenly, a pair of ocean blue eyes meets hazel. I feel somehow drawn to the sweet sky blue eyes that seem to pierce through me. I can tell that they are thinking the same thing as me; _'have we met somewhere before?'_

I had a short flash of memory go through my mind, too fast for me to comprehend where I've seen those incredible hue of blue and green mixture; blue overpowering the green, though small rays of green could be seen.

Slowly the figure starts to make their way towards me, their movement rigid but apace. It was as if the person thought I would disappear if they didn't reach me fast enough however, in this state of mind I wouldn't get very far. It's not like I was planning on escaping the gaze either way.

As they moved into the clubs neon lights I could make out their features; bright and silky blond hair that made me want to run my fingernails through the strands. Light tan skin that shined with health and looked as if it was all natural; no tanning necessary. He had a muscular build, though I could tell I was a bit taller than him however, not by much.

The closer he got, the more nervous I became. I didn't understand why, it's not like I was ever nervous in front of anyone, o hint of fear has ever escaped through my armor,; I have a feeling however, that today my armor cracked enough to let a bit of fear escape.

I could've sworn I knew him from somewhere. Maybe not from here, but definitely from Minnesota, then again maybe I'm just imagining things. Seeing as how he had a similar look to mine though, I know he must've recognized me form somewhere other than BTR. I could tell because he didn't have a 'fan' vibe radiating off of him, more of an old friend one.

I can feel my hearts pace speed up the closer he gets, it's so fast I feel hammering inside my chest; who knew I could get so flustered so easily? I never knew this feeling was possible for me.

For others? Sure. I see this type of reaction every time I'm having a conversation with someone, but for me this is a first. Well, maybe not my first time, but that is for another time when I can actually manage to not break down while thinking about it…

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I come back to reality. The beautiful creature standing before me is nothing even close to what I thought I saw before. Perfect wasn't even a word that could be used to describe him because it wouldn't do him justice.

I then remember that he is right in front of me and I shake my head to focus my mind back on task; flirting the night off with what seems like this guy. I'm sure he wouldn't have come over here if he wasn't interested, right?

"Hey" The sound of his voice sounded familiar straight away. I cocked my eyebrow as I tried to remember where I could've have met him, though I doubt if I had I would ever forget a face like his.

"Have we met before?" I say in the most innocent way possible not wanting to sound like I'm hitting on him or that if we have met, I didn't seem like an ass for not remembering. However, the hurt look that flashed across his eyes made me regret my decision; I guess he'll remind me.

"You don't remember me?" He asked lowly. I could see the shine in his blue eyes disappear; this made me feel guiltier by the second.

"I'm sorry, maybe it's the many drinks I have had?" I say. I would've definitely remembered such a pair of entrancing eyes and flawless body. A pink hue begins to form on his face and I wonder why, but then it hits me.

"I said that last part aloud, didn't I?" I ask, trying to be as smooth as possible. He nods his head as a smile form upon his face, along with the radiance in his eyes burning with fire once again, the kind of fire I've ever noticed on someone else.

"Well, why don't you go ahead and tell me where you're from because my head is beginning to pound from the immense amount of thinking" I say.

"Aiden. Aiden Hayes" He says, almost as if he was afraid I still wouldn't remember, but boy was he wrong.

I can feel my mouth gape open as I remember exactly where I've known him from. Aiden was from my high school back in Minnesota. He was a junior when I was a senior and I remember him being the guy who had the biggest crush on me.

Looking at him now though, he's nowhere near as little and scrawny as he was before. He apparently wears contacts now seeing as he doesn't have his glasses. As well as, the fact that he was built up more then when I last saw him. He was filled out more and he definitely went through puberty because this is not the same Aiden from before.

"Wait, Aiden from Sherwood?" I ask, a slight smile dancing upon my lips.

"Yep. Same old me" He says, his voice cockier than before, something that surprisingly turned me on. I guess the shy guy from before was gone; not that I'm complaining.

"No way! How've you been man?" I ask as I extend my hand towards him; no hesitation from his person as he immediately shakes my hand. I can tell the difference from his grip now and from his grip before. I was firmer and rougher.

"Good, good. What about you, heard you got into a band" He says.

"Yeah, with my best buds actually. You remember Carlos, Logan and Kendall, right?" I could see his smile falter a bit at Kendall's name, and I questioned why right away. It's not like they rally ever interacted in school. Aiden was more towards hanging out with me rather than with the other guys.

"Yeah, I remember them. How are they doing?" He asked, even though I could tell he could care less. It irked me a bit, but I guess he never really enjoyed being with them so I couldn't expect him to change.

"They're fine. So tell me, what are you doing here in L.A" I ask, very interested to hear his response.

"Oh, actually I'm into modeling now and I have a few agencies here who called me up and I need to go to photo shoots with each one then decide which one I want the most." I could hear the arrogance in his voice, but it was also warm and I could see he wasn't trying to brag, just hoping to express his interests with me.

"That's awesome! Maybe I could show you around if you ever have time?" I asked cautiously; I didn't want it to seem like I was coming on too strong.

"Sure, that would be awesome. We could catch up" he says, and from this alone I can tell that I need to ask him the question. I may be self-centered, oblivious, flirty, and stupid, but I sure as hell know when someone is into me. Now I just have to hear him say it.

"Hey, can I ask you one quick question?" I ask.

"Sure."

"Do you still have a crush on me?"

_**The End~**_

_**So, what did you guys think of the chapter? What do you think of Aiden? Does he still have a crush on James? And who is this certain someone with the fire in their eyes other than Aiden?**_

_**Until Next Time! And if you can, leave a review telling me your thoughts and guesses on the few questions above. ;)**_

_**P.S I hope you all had and continue having a wonderful holiday break. And I hope you all got what you wanted for Christmas, I know I did. ;)**_


End file.
